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When I was little I kissed a few album covers. That’s normal, right? I know Amanda said she kissed Michael Jackson when he was on The Thriller album, so I know of at least one other person who has done this. If anyone else has done this , please feel free to share.

I mean I wasn’t like 13 or anything like that. I was,like, 5 years old.  I kissed women on inanimate objects all the time come to think of it around that age. I kissed the TV when the Barker Beauties on The Price is Right came on. (My mother caught me. Very embarrassing.) I kissed a good looking woman in a Good Housekeeping ad. Once I almost kissed Daphne from Scooby-Doo when she was on a lunch box I had, but even then I knew that was going too far.

Meh, what can I say? I liked kissing chicks.

So here’s the ladies I kissed on album covers (Most albums belonged to my sister too. Sorry Kath!) in case you always wanted to know that. Which I ‘m sure you did. I put them in order too from most kissed to least kissed for your convenience.

Xanadu:  Never saw the movie, but man did I kiss the hell out of the album. It probably made sense as she was a beautiful lady and her head was roughly the same size as mine at the time. I guess I had a little kid crush on Olivia Newton John as she appears twice on this list.  Also I burned the initials ONJ in my thigh with a hot stick as a boy. (KIDDING)   It was on my shoulder.

How can you not want want to kiss this?!

Herb Alpert and The Tijuana Brass.  I don’t really need to explain why I kissed this lady. She’s naked, looks seductive, has huge boobs and covered in whipped cream.  Hell, I might kiss this album NOW. But, I had mixed emotions about kissing her because this album belonged to my parents and was always placed right next to another album called “Quiet Time With Jesus” (Seriously). Guilt would cross my mind when I would pick up Herb Alpert’s album, view the half naked woman, look back down at the album about Jesus and then I’d slowly flip the album to the other side so Jesus couldn’t see me about to sin.

When I was little I wasn’t sure what she was covered with and in my small child brain I assumed it was IHOP butter.

Grease Olivia Newton John again! I remember kissing this album well. Mainly because I had to cover up stupid John Travolta’s face every time I kissed her. I didn’t want him staring at me. That would be weird. If you kiss this album cover enough times, there’s a secret bonus track that the record player will play. It’s called, “Boy, You Should Really Stop Kissing Me Now.”

Grease IS the word.

Blondie  I gotta admit, I kissed Blondie on this album cover that belonged to my brother (I think), but I didn’t feel good about it.  She was just O.K. looking, her videos weren’t very hot on MTV and I think I mainly kissed her because I was bored. Also it was hard covering up the other dudes on the cover and she has that look on her face that seems to say, “OK little kid. Go ahead kiss me, but I’m not real excited about it.” So I don’t recall kissing her that much.

“Make sure we get mostly Blondie in this shot and that she’s covering 3/4 of the band members.” Bitch.

Cinderella. I remember kis—-AHAHAHA ! Kidding! But man, sometimes those 80s hair metal band guys could confuse you!

Stay tuned to this blog for an update on the album covers that I kissed recently. (I just found my old record player (yeah!) and have some moonshine left, so who knows what’ll happen….


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