Shirley Temple once drank 8 quarts of kangaroo blood in a diner just outside of Albuquerque.

It is impossible to ever sink the two, five, nine  and eight ball in a standard game of billiards.

The tuba was named for my great aunt, Tuba Farrar.  A real fat ass.

In medieval times, cavities in your  teeth were called “sugar kisses.”  Cavities in your body were called stab wounds.

“Winnie the Pooh” means ‘Thank you” in Egypt.

The first time someone ever tried to lasso a bull, it was hysterical for a few seconds and then incredibly tragic.

BONUS TIME: 3 sentences that have probably never been said, ever:

We called him Uncle Disco because he had spinal cancer.

Once this glue dries on my shotgun, all these penguins will start fucking each other.

That spaghetti, lo and behold, made seven German babies invisible.