Good day. I ask you now to look back and reflect upon this year of our Lord, 2011 A.D.

I want you all to ask yourselves, “How do you feel about this year?”

Did you get things done that you set out to do?  Did you discover something new and wonderful about yourself or others?  Did you make a change or difference (good or bad) in some way, shape or form during this year?

For God’s sake, did you do anything this year?!

You know, I always like the saying, “That when’s there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.”   Please tell me that you at least became a mighty Phoenix and rose from the ashes of what remained of you and you became something better and more magnificent than before…

I mean, that’s not asking for much is it?

Let’s start with how you feel about eating BBQ ribs. Or should I say how much BBQ did you eat this year? For example, I started out the year becoming obsessed with going out to eat at different BBQ restaurants and I wound up having a pretty great year. I’m not sure if the two are related (they probably are), but maybe you should consider your amount of BBQ eaten vs. overall success of 2011 ratio. If you had kind of a bad year, may I suggest eating more BBQ in 2012? {Editor’s note; I would like to thank Amanda, Lance, Katy, Rawson, Tom Malinowski and the ghost of Laura Ingalls Wilder for the help in consuming so much BBQ meat in 2011.}

Secondly, let’s talk about how much time you spent outside this year. It’s a well-known fact that these people are more depressed than the average person:

  • A mime trapped in a “box”
  •  A World War 2 P.O.W. still held captive in a secret Nazi underground bunker just outside of Prague
  • Submarine people
  • A successful Japanese business man

What do these folks all have in common? That’s right, they don’t go outside.  They’re stuck inside all day. It’s a big, beautiful world out there and if you don’t go outside and remember that from time to time, you will stifle your development and sense of wonder. Not only will you get the disease rickets, due to lack of sunlight, but you will also become more depressed and withdrawn.  My advice, is to get outside at least for an hour a day if possible and try to catch a squirrel or touch a bird’s ass.

Now, I myself did not take any fantastical voyages this year, but I was outside everyday in the summer working on the backyard. Sometimes, and I can’t believe I’m telling you this, I would just lay down in the grass and just smell the earth. Isn’t that weird? If I was an inventor I’d invent a little packet of grass and earth that you can carry around with you and when you are trapped inside all day you can just take it out and smell it. They may already have something similar like that called “candles” or scratch n’ sniff stickers but whatever, I’m writing the stories here.

Lastly, let me tell you that it’s O.K. if you didn’t have the greatest year ever. You are beautiful. There is only one you. It’s A-okay if you don’t like your hair, your weight, the weight of your hair, your foot odor, your hyena like laugh, the way that you look in high-waisted pants, the way you look high or wasted in your pants or anything about yourself. Somebody out there does or will. Your mother, your father, your sister or brother, your current lover or future lover (the one with the jetpack), your friend, wife or godparent. My point is this, You are a unique and wonderful person and have the ability to make your own happiness, luck, destiny and pizza.

Now get ready for 2012 armed with this knowledge and mighty insight and make it a great year for yourself.


Dr. David Farrar, M.D.