1.  POOL HOPPING.   Really?  I did this?  Sadly, yes.  Apparently it was the thing to do during high school summers in Florissant, MO. Usually, it was myself and several kids (always a bonus when we could talk a girl into actually going) who would just jump over the fence into a strangers yard and proceed to skinny dip in their pool.  Very quietly.  I remember giggling like crazy and being super scared that we were going to get busted at anytime.  I was always terrified that the owner of the house, with a shotgun in hand, would open up his back door and fire warning shots into the air at any moment.

We only got “busted” once.  This happened when a motion light (I’m assuming) turned on and all four of us jumped out and ran like the wind. Do you know how loud the sound is when four tennagers jump out of a pool at the same time?!  I just remember thinking how incredibly noisy it was and if they didn’t hear us before, they sure did now. We left clothes, sandals, shoes and wallets behind.  Only an hour later when we quietly returned, did we retrieve our summer attire.

2. JUMPING FEE FEE ROAD IN MY CAR.  When you’re 16 and live in Florissant, your passage into manhood is not complete without bragging about how you jumped Fee Fee road. For those of you who somehow don’t know what Fee Fee road is, I will explain.  It is a straight, narrow road, surrounded by  woods that has a sudden, ridiculous large hill that drops off and appears out of nowhere.  Even if you go slow it still makes your stomach drop a bit when you go over it.  If you hit it going about 60-70 miles an hour, as opposed to the 30 miles an hour sign posted, you will totally catch air. This,of course, holds great appeal to teenagers. I assume that most towns have these “jumps” in them.

But looking back, I cant believe how dangerous it was and how lucky I am that I never wrecked my sweet 1971 Comet jumping it.  I mean, we would get totally airborne jumping this thing! All four wheels off the ground!   I remember one time , when Jake Schneider was my passenger and we went sailing off the top of the hill on a particular sweet jump, we thought that we were going to end our young beautiful lives in a fiery car crash. Because there, at the bottom of the hill, was a stray dog just walking up the road!  We both screamed when we saw in mid-jump and it looked like we were going to land right on top of the poor mutt. Somehow I did a landing that not only avoided hitting the dog, but kept us on the road.  There were angels watching over us that day.  I’m sure of it.

3. TELLING MY FRIENDS THAT WE WERE GOING OUT FOR A NIGHT ON THE TOWN ONLY TO PICK THEM UP AND BRING THEM TO A PORN STORE.

O.K. This one needs a little explaining.  At some point in my teenage years, I thought it was hilarious to make big elaborate plans, have people get excited and dress up for them, only to take them to somewhere ridiculous. Here’s an example. (Involving Jake Schneider once again).

One  evening, I told Jake and another friend Brian that there was a new night club that had just opened in the area and to get dressed up nicely because we were going to check it out. I then picked them up and drove them to the club. They looked very nice in their fancy club clothes. During the drive I told them how it was supposedly super cool and that we could actually drink there! (we were about 19 at the time).

When we pulled up into the parking lot, the building had all the windows blacked out and there were strobe lights and music on the outside near the entrance. I remember Brian asked me what the name of the club was since there were no signs and I made up something and said it was called “Sammy’s” or something like that.

Right before we went in I made sure I was the last one in so I could see their reaction. Well, as soon as they entered through the doors, I heard them say, “What the hell?” there was porn and sex toys everywhere!  They were so caught off guard and the man behind the counter asked us what they needed help with and wanted to charge a $1 browsing fee.  And also asked if they needed tokens for the private booths.  Disgusting and awesome. At the time I thought it was absolutely the funniest thing!  So, they were mad for a little bit because there obviously was no club and we spent that night smoking Swisher Sweets and throwing Twinkies at cars. Swear to God.  Ah, youth.

Another fake-out place I took someone to involved bringing  a girl on a date to “a new, hip seafood restaurant” in town only to have it be Red Lobster.(That was my last date with her) 😦

I’m sure there are plenty of other stupid things I did, but for right now that’s what I remember.

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