The Animal Kingdom can be really great and wonderful.  It gives us amazing things like sea horses and lions and baby porcupines and it even probably gave us things like wooly Mammoths one time a long time ago.

But sometimes nature really screws us and gives us horrible creatures to look at and make us scared to ever leave our couches or Laserdisc collections.

So here, in no particular order are some of the scariest, worst looking animals that we share our planet with.

1. The Coconut crab

This thing is stupid.  Look at how horrible it is.  Why did I even start looking at pictures of this? If I came out and saw this crab crawling into my trash can, I wouldn’t even try to go near it. I’d probably look at it and start crying. Yes.  Actually, i know I would. I’d just start crying real slowly and kinda quiet and stand there from far away pointing at this terrible, hideous stupid creature.

Stupid uglyhead trash crab

2.  Goliath Beetles

Dear God, why does it live? This thing looks like the aliens from Starships Troopers.  How can that guy just let that hideous bug crawl on his plain white T?  These beetles  have been known to carry away little babies in Jungle villages. not really but they probably could. Stupid, asshole beetle.  i hate you right now so much for scaring me.

3. Mata Mata Turtle

This thing scares me so bad that I wish my Grandma, who was Missouri’s greatest turtle catcher, was still alive so she could find this thing and kill it over and over. Imagine swimming in a lake and you accidentally step on this horrible, dumb monstrosity.  Your life would be ruined because you would be super scared for forever and a day.

4. Tigerfish

This is just one example of many kinds of fish that will mess you up.  Everybody knows about piranhas and sharks, but there’s like 50 other kinds of fish that are just as terrifying.  It has the word ”Tiger” in it’s name so you know that’s not a good start.  Everybody knows about Clownfish and they’re funny and cool as Nemo showed us, but if you got the name Tigerfish you just know you are going to kick the shit out of things.

fucking gross

5. The animal that ate all the meth at my party.

This animal is so ugly and terrible looking that it doesn’t even have a name.  Actually, that’s a lie. It’s called an Aye-Aye.  Which is African for “Awful-Awful.”

I can’t even write about this stupid creature because I am tired and am gfoing to bed and I swear to God, if I even dream about one of these dumb anmals I am going to be so mad at myself.

I've been up for days!

Conclusion= Nature: Not so great sometimes?

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