I’ve reviewed the first Twilight book and movie here on this very blog awhile back and now I am so so happy to give my summary on the newest addition to the Twilight saga.

But wait, Prof, what about the SECOND movie?

And to that I say; I can’t remember because I watched it at home and fell asleep in about 30 seconds.Voila! There you go.

But thanks to Starbucks I was fully awake for this Vampire/Werewolf lovefest!

(What is the Spanish word for Werewolf anyway?  Dondelobo? hahaha!)

SPOILER ALERT: But not really because you kinda know everything that’s gonna happen, right?

Here are some highlights:

The movie  opens with Edward and Bella saying these exact words to each other:

Edward: Marry me.

Bella: Change me.

Say what?!? We know she means change me into a Vampire, but I’m sorry that is seriously funny taken out of context.  Does she have stinky Emo britches or something? 

Change me? Too funny. Oh how Amanda and I laughed.

Let’s see…then there’s a scene shortly after that where we meet the werewolf boy clan and they are all standing out in front of their cabin with their shirts off and wearing  terrible jean shorts while eating fried chicken.

All of them.

Eating KFC.

Yep.  Ok, so also there are lots of scenes with that kid who has the funky neck standing around with his shirt off.  (The Hispanic  teenage girls sitting behind us oooh and ahhhd every time.  Actually, anytime that Edward/Jacob said anything remotely romantic to Bella they also oooh and aahhhd. They were actually pretty entertaining.)

Also, there are plenty of scenes where Edward has the chance to get laid after waiting 150 YEARS  and saying to Bella, “Nah. I’m good. Let’s wait until we’re married.”  Even though she’s seducing him, throwing herself at him and looking at him with her sultry, bored glances, Edward still says “Nope. No vampire penis for you.”  I guess after 150 years, 1 more won’t hurt.

A few more things to say to wrap it up: Bad CGI, almost zero blood, Kristen Stewart and her bland bland acting, and vampires in which one clan looks like they shop at Hot Topic and the other clan, who looks like they shop at Old Navy.

At least there’s Alice, who is a very cute vampire to look at.

For all I’ve said the movie actually wasn’t bad.  There is something mildly entertaining about it.  I don’t know how everything ends and I have to admit that I’m sorta curious who Bella will pick:

Will she go for Funky Neck or Glittery Sparkly Purple Dead Guy (As he is known in Japan)?   Which one of the two guys will she choose?

No. Not those two guys.

THOSE two guys