Yesterday this little elf came into my room and he said , “Hey Dave. Do you want to watch some T.V.?”

So I was all like , “Uh Yeah elf let’s watch some T.V.”

We sat down on my couch and watched the movie Turner and Hooch two times in a row.

You remember Turner and Hooch, right?  It’s the movie where Tom Hanks switches bodies with a dog named Beethoven.  I might be wrong with that description but I do remember there being a Tom Hanks and a dog in it.

The elf said something about how Tom Hanks is unemployed right now because he keeps doing movies where he has bad hair. Those are the first words he spoke to me after the movie was over.

Then the elf went into my kitchen and made only one individual glass of Kool Aid.  When he brought it back into the living room he started strutting around like he owned the place and talking about how this Kool-Aid was all his and he didn’t make none for anybody else.

That elf was acting like a true jerk and made me feel bad about myself.

I pulled out some pink Salt Water Taffy to eat that I had in my pocket to make myself feel better, but I dropped it and it rolled under the couch.

When I looked under the couch, I saw the boardgame Clue so I asked him if he wanted to play it with me.  I barely finished asking him if he wanted to play, when he threw the rest of his Kool-Aid in my face and said that Clue is for 3-8 players and asked what the hell is wrong with me?!?

I told him that I didn’t know that and that I thought I played it with only 2 people before.

Then he started crying really hard and said that he felt terrible for the way he was acting and that he couldn’t help it because he was entering Jooperty.  When I asked him what Jooperty was he said it was what all elves go through at a certain age and it’s like reverse puberty.

So I told him it was O.K and I gave him one of my Super Hugs.  When I let go of him and stopped hugging him 4 hours later, I saw that he had turned blue and was no longer moving.

I got a little scared but I put him in the freezer.  The next day I took him out and painted him bright colors and put him out back in my garden.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how gnomes began.