This morning when I left for work, I saw a big snake warming itself on our backyard patio!

I was like “Daaaammnn. That is a big snake.”

I tried to remember what the Crocodile Hunter guy who got bit to death in the heart  from a Stingray (RIP) would do so I grabbed the snake by the mouth and gave it a Jungle Hug.

And you know what?  That jerk of a snake bit me in the lower arm!  So I yelled at the snake and called it a Snake Whore and threw it through my neighbors car window that was half-open.

Then my neighbor who owned the car came out and was like, “Why you yelling so loud?”  And I didn’t want to tell him what happened so I was all like, “I thought I saw this cat fall down.”

And he said, “Oh, O.K.  Well, I’m off to work.”

So then he got in his car that the big snake was in and when he drove away I saw him struggling with what looked like a small snake but because the sun was shining in my eyes a little and he was kinda far away it might have been the same big snake I threw in his car.

But I am still not sure.

Then I remembered that I left the house wearing only an oven mitt that I borrowed from Big Lots years ago so I went back in and…. APRIL FOOL’S!!!!.

Ah yeah!  I fooled you all!  That story above didn’t actually happen.